10 Things Hesser Taught Me

  I had the fortunate experience to go to college immediately after high school. Unfortunately, the college I chose slowly became a waste dump that overcharged and replaced all the great professors with condescending assholes. 

   I learned more street smarts going there rather than actual career stuff. It's kind of funny, so I figure I would share them with you! 

1. Ranch dressing can make anything taste better. 

2. When sneaking liquor into your dorm room, hide it in your laundry bag. 

3. When trying to set an ambiance for a romantic hookup in a dorm that doesn't allow candles, use Zippo lighters. 

4. Never stand outside smoking under the women's bathroom. Bloody feminine hygiene products tend to "fall out" the window. 

5. Make sex, showers and shits quick in case the fire alarm gets pulled. And don't try kinky shit like handcuffs. The alarm will get pulled when you are cuffed to the bed. Believe me...

6. Chicken Tenders can be used as weapons. 

7. Guitar Hero doesn't make you a rock god, but it does pass the time. 

8. There are 20 sides to every story, then nobody knows the right one. 

9. Men who wear their pants real low will trip if you chase them, or steal their steak and cheese subs. 

10. The ghosts of young children are creepy, but iron doors with claw marks in the basement are even worse...

Xoxo ;)

Habenero Mac N Cheese

This is a recipe for awesome Mac N cheese I made. Only for those who enjoy spicier fare, as it is EXTREMELY spicy!

Ingredients:

1 Brick Habenero Cabot Cheese (Cut up)

1 Brick Cabot Seriously Sharp(Cut up)

2 cups shredded Colby Jack Cheese

4 cups Milk

2 Tablespoons butter

3 Tablespoons Flour

2 Lbs Uncooked Macaroni 

Italian Seasoning and Garlic Powder

GratedParmesan 

Salt and Pepper to taste

Directions:

1. In a large pot,boil and drain macaroni. Set aside back in pot away from heat.

2. In a medium sauce pan, melt butter. When it has melted add a few pinches of flour until it creates a paste. 

 

3. Add in the 4 cups of milk and whisk 30 strokes. 

4. Stir in chopped up cheese, cover and let cook for 5 minutes, return and stir frequently until cheese has melted. 

5. Pour cheese sauce onto macaroni. Stir in Macaroni and cheese and add some more flour until it has a bit of a thicker texture. 

6. Top with Italian Seasoning, Parm. cheese and Garlic powder. Let sit for 10 minutes an serve. 

;) xoxoxo

My Worst Date Experience

   We have all been on that one date that has gone terribly wrong.  The chemistry didn't match up.  They smell really bad.  It's very apparent that they have no direction in life.  We have all been there.  It happens. 
   A fan of mine gave me the idea to share my worst date experience, just for shits and giggles because they figure that with my luck with love, I must have one that really makes me look fucking fantabulous.  Well, here I am to deliver that story because it is a great one. 

   About a year and a half ago, I went through this transitional period where I was between two semi-serious relationships.  In between, I decided to date a little here and there just to occupy my time because I hate being alone.  So, one of my friends set me up with this guy, I will call Luke.  She swore up and down that Luke was this great guy and was smart and funny and handsome and had a good job and was well structured.  Okay, so I'll have dinner with the guy.  What could it hurt, right?
   We went to this fancy restaurant in between both of our houses.  He was pretty handsome, and major kudos on the fact that he knew how to pull together an outfit.  A man that can dress himself without looking like a bum is a plus for me.  He was sitting there, drinking a beer on tap and patiently waiting for me.  When he saw me, he flashed a pretty decent smile. 
   The boy wore a nice cologne, and chatted me up about his family and his goals and a whole bunch of other bullshit that I thought to myself, maybe this guy is worth taking a chance.  Then he dropped the biggest piece of bullshit I had heard since I was with my pathological lying ex:

   "Yeah, so I'm a cop on [my town] Police Force."  He says.  Suddenly, my sexual and emotional interest was no longer there, and here is why.

   I live in a small town.  I know all of the cops on the police force and most of them are very dear friends of mine.  So, you can imagine through my astonishment that this guy was completely full of shit.  He told me about how he had just graduated from the academy and how he was going to one day be Detective.  Yeah, okay buddy.  I lost all interest and texted my friend telling her the code word we have for one another when we are on bad dates.  Pretty much, the other person calls and says there is an emergency and we duck out like our house is burning down.  She was unreachable, so I had to sit through this dinner and continue to listen to the crap coming out of this guy's mouth.
   Finally, I had had enough.  I called him out and you should have seen the look on the kid's face.  He tried calling my bluff, until he realized that I have many of them saved in my phone as personal contacts.  I was actually offended that he thought I was a stupid girl who would fall for that crap.  Nice try, Nash Bridges.  Nice try.

   The next day, I told the story to one of my very close cop buddies and he laughed his ass off and told me about how he had arrested him not so long ago, because he told some other girl that he was an officer.  This other girl, was the Detective at the time's FUCKING NIECE!  Big mistake, because he was formally charged with fraud and impersonating a police officer.  I'm laughing my butt off while writing this because I remember how absolutely crazy this idiot is.  I am so glad I dodged that bullet. 
    The problem is, that Luke tells the wrong girls about his fantasy career to try to bed them.  While a man in uniform is sexy, I really have to say that it has to be a REAL uniform.  None of this Halloween Store stuff.  I sometimes wonder how he has ended up.  Whether he has committed the same crime again.  Why not just tell people you went to Hogwarts and are now a wizard?  Oh and that you had sex with Hermoine.  That's just as believable. 
   Not to mention reading this guy's text messages was like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphs.  I remember he sent me a text that read:
   "Y U No Call Me NEMore? U a bitch 4 dittching me."
    I am a writer for a living! Spelling is very important and if you can't even produce a predicate, let alone spell the simple words of why and you, bet your Batman loving ass I will not sleep with you.  Instant turn off.  Sorry.
    Again, I'm glad I dodged that bullet.  I'm all set with fake law enforcement.  Thanks.

xoxo ;)

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Twitter: @vlewin1988

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Turning Over A New Leaf

   I post the picture of my watch purely to associate the correspondence with being productive with my time.  My readers should also know, that I am extremely hung over from drinking copious amounts of wine last night.  My head hurts and I am drinking Gatorade like it's 2004 and I'm on the soccer team again.  My makeup is also smeared because I had no energy to remove my contacts, thus my eye makeup is still intact but looks like absolute shit.
   HOWEVER despite all of this, I have a positive outlook in life.  As many know from my previous posts, I was in a rut for a long time.  I'm bouncin back, Baby! Fuck being emo all this time! Because YOLO and LOL with life!  I now want to be Ms. Optimist. Here is my secret: 
   Step 1. Rid my life of those that influence negativity.  Unfortunately, it had rid me of many friends.  I think the Bible has a scripture that says, "Poor association spoils useful habits".  One of the few scriptures I live by.  I'd rather be a loner doing my own shit and getting my life on track than surrounding myself with negativity. 
     Step 2. Stop looking for love! I learned that I don't need someone else to complete me. Stop dating/sleeping with/giving a chance with knights in shining tin foil and wait for the knight in shining armor.  He's out there. I don't hate my exes.  They have taught me things about myself.  Except one.  I fucking hate him with a fire passion.  If he ever wears this, fuck you.  And you stole my Spiderman shirt.  Dick.
    Step 3: Embrace physical beauty.  Below is a picture of me in high school, when I was considered plain and 'ordinary'.  Thus, my confidence back then was shit:

  Ok, so maybe my senior portrait wasn't as bad as I thought.  But I never wore makeup, never did anything with my awful hair.  Here is a picture of me in college:

  A little better.  I kinda miss my red hair.  But now here is what I look like now.

   My hair is cute (and lighter than I have ever had it which by the way I have gotten so many compliments on!), I've mastered the wing look with liquid eyeliner.  I have discovered foundation and finishing powder as well as bronzer because I'm paler than a China Doll.  I look great! I feel great! Oh and I lost 60 lbs!
    Step 4: Workout better.  I go for two mile runs as often as I can.  Thankfully, I live on Dirt Road, Vermont.  Therefore I can run in the middle of the road like a bitch that doesn't care.  I also do a lot of cardio.  Pull ups.  Because I want to maintain the new bod I have because never in my life have I looked like this:

  Step 5: Blog more! Notice I post a lot more than I did when I was in my rut and not being productive?  Plus my work is getting comedy back.  Read my "Wal-Mart" post.  Note that I have gotten a lot of people that have thought that was some of my best work!
   Step 6: Let shit roll off! I try to not let stupid shit get to me. It's no secret that I blow shit out of proportion.  I hold grudges when people do me wrong and it takes me a long time to get over stuff.  Those that have hurt me a year ago, yeah.  I'm still not happy with you.  We may talk, but I still am not happy with your face.  I also have a temper.  Don't piss me off. 
   Step 7: Express myself more.  I express my feelings through literature.  I write them better than say them.  When conversing with another individual, I cannot say things that I feel to their face.  It really sucks because texting and writing does not show emotion.  Most of the fights I have ever gotten in in my life have been via text because I am a pussy when it comes to standing up for my feelings.  I also hold my feelings in for months.  Sometimes years.  No bueno.

   Ok, the real reason I am all optimistic and YOLO is because I almost got held up at gunpoint the other night by this CRAZY FUCKING GINGER that smoked crack cocaine out of a Red Bull can in my work bathroom! Thankfully my pretty much aunt and uncle were there to thwart it.  Plus, the town police didn't do anything like arrest the mother fucker because the evidence was "circumstantial".  I generally have respect for them because many on the force are personal friends, but now I really don't like them in the 'Serve and protect' way.  Do you guys realize this guy could have killed me?  Seriously the scariest experience of my life.  I don't feel safe in my job anymore.  I never want to experience something like that ever again.
   So, in conclusion, I want to spend my life thinking on the positive side.  Be more productive.  Be stronger.  Be wiser.  Be kinder.  That is what I want the most! Wish me luck!

;) xoxo

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Twitter: @vlewin1988

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Greatest Pickup Lines

  I have noted all the crazy pickup lines I have ever read/heard and I would like to share them with my readers because I needed to find laughter. I want to spread said laughter. Maybe you can use them when trying to pick someone up too. 

1. "Your body is like a speeding ticket in a construction zone... DOUBLE FINE!"

2. "Is your name Dora? Cause I'll let you explore this dick."

3. "I left a blowjob at your house. Can I stop by and get it later?"

4. "Is your name Skittles, cause I want you to taste my rainbow...dick"

5. "Are you a Flinstone? Because I wanna Bam Bam your Bedrock."

6. "You may think I’m ugly and I may think you’re hot, but opposites attract, right?"

7. "I'm an astronaut. Can my rocket ship explore your black hole?"

8. "I may not be 5 gum but I can still stimulate your senses."

9. "I might need Life Alert because I’ve fallen in love with you and can’t get up."

10. "Do you like soda? Because I’d love to mountain dew you."

11. "You have an ass like JLo. Wanna bang?"

12. "Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me horny."

13. "Do you like wine? Because fuck me."

14. "Roses are red. Violets are Blue. I just wanna have sex with you."

15. "I haven't swept the floor yet. Sorry if your knees get dirty."

16. "You are just sexy enough to make me a sandwich."

17. "I don’t need my magic carpet to take you over, sideways and under."

18. "I hope you like the Backstreet Boys because my penis is larger than life."

19. "You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar."

20. "Nice virginity. Can I have it?"

Oh, the romantics behind such lines! 

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Twitter: @vlewin1988

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Thoughts, News, Me. Beware: Topic ADD/Hypocritical Advice

   I accomplished something last week I have kept under wraps until I got some information on it.  So, this woman from Simon and Shuester approached me via phone and e-mail within the course of the last two weeks stating she had interest in one of my novellas.  Not really a novella.  More of a memoir. 
   Brief synopsis: I wrote a manifesto about my experience at my Alma Mater.  The people I met that impacted my life the most, good and bad.  The truest friends I have ever had.  I also wrote about them, without stating any names due to the potential that depending on how their story goes, they could sue me.  So I went by the type of footwear that they sported the most.  Thus, creating a memoir entitled, "Footwear: The People You Meet In College". 
   I am a self proclaimed, very funny woman.  My memoir mixes a lot of comedy with emotion due to the fact that I am a very emotional person.  Not only those few days a month when all I want to do is eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's and am a raging c-u-next-tuesday to innocent bystanders.  Like, this week.  Sorry.  Menstrual jokes make me giggle because my female audience can relate.
   I have spent the last few months crying over stupid shit in my life.  Not finding romantic happiness.  Working at a job I hate with no respect.  Not feeling worthy of the world at all.  I front that I am confident and that I am comfy in my own skin, but it is in fact bullshit.  There is one thing I am confident in though, and that's that I can make people laugh in my writing.  I may go through spurts where I piss and moan about how I am afraid that I will fall on my ass and fail, but a very special friend of mine told me when I shared this news with him, that "failure is part of life.  Taking a chance is part of life.  Don't regret the past when you reach future events".  I rolled my eyes at him and he told me he would smack me if I didn't call this woman back.  If I didn't take the chance. 
   Many others have been on my case about bucking up and getting over my fear.  I have to also give them credit, despite the fact that violence wasn't exactly and option or consequence. 
   I like writing about my life experiences.  I have made many mistakes in my life.  Burned some bridges.  Slept with some friends. Had a pill addiction for a brief period of time. Dropped out of college.  Although the last one is irrelevant only because I ended up going back and graduating with honors.  Back to the point, I have made a few mistakes.  Lived a bit.  I am an imperfect human.  Sometimes, I hate people.  Sometimes for a good reason.  Other times not.  I want to be able to help people.  Help keep them from making the same selfish, self destructive decisions I have made.
    Remember the definition of insanity:  Don't repeat the same mistakes over and over expecting different results.  You do in fact go mad.  Batshit bananas crazy sometimes.  Shit happens.
   I made the mistake of backing out of a wonderful job opportunity that would get me the fuck out of this small Vermont town that I am seeing fall in the shitter.  I should have taken that shot.  But I have complete faith that one will turn around in no time.  I have to be optimistic.  Someone has to be, and it can only be myself.
   Life is all about priorities.  I am slowly learning that you only have yourself in life.  Make yourself do greater things with that power and endurance.  "Anything is possible if you just believe".  I've lost all faith in humanity.  I see good people falling into drug habits.  Committing crimes.  Being destructive and promiscuous.  There is in fact more to life than getting notches under your belt, getting high and commiting larceny.  Work on you before saving others  Some are worth saving.  Others you have to just let go of and hope for the best.  I've done this many of times.  I've also had bouts of success in helping people.  At the end of the day people are going to make their own choices. I made my choice.  I chose to let bygones be bygones and take a chance in life.  A perhaps seemingly selfish chance in life.  Like I said, worry about yourself before worrying about others.  As long as you are committing no actual harm to others, I encourage selfish decisions.  It's fucked, but it is my philosophy. 
   Rid yourself of the things that make you unhappy.  Start over somewhere new if you have the means.  I don't have the means right now for that, but when I do, Vermont is getting a giant "fuck you" and I am peacing out cubschout.  I love my family.  My friends.  But there is more to life than what is offered here. 
   Bottom line: I will do great.  I will do it alone if I have to.  But I am taking the chance. If I fail, I try again.  :)

;) xoxox

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Trust and Forgiveness Rant.

   When we are in elementary school, or better yet learning shit like shapes and colors and that yellow snow is bad, we also learn that forgiveness is important. Forgive and forget. We have heard it so many times throughout the course of our lives that it should come easily right?  We are also taught to never be too trusting. Harm is out there. But when you think about it, the two go hand in hand. I'm sure you have figured out where I'm going with this...

   In my 25 years walking on this atrocious planet, I have instilled more trust in people who should never have gotten it, then I can even count. I'm a trust whore because there has been more notches under that belt than a serial player could ever dream of.  Here are my views on Trust and Forgiveness. 

  TRUST:   I trusted friends to not hurt me. Friends are supposed to be there for you when everyone else is completely fucking your shit up. Funny, how quickly they tend to join in on the festivities though. I've spoken before in my last article, when I had a more positive outlook on life, about how much I don't like being friends with girls. I have boobies and a vagina. Thus, I am fully aware of the fact that I am secretly evil. But I'm not your average girl nowadays. I'm not going to chase after your boyfriend or fuck buddy because I know that there is some lines that shouldn't be crossed. I'm not going to let you walk out of the house if you really do look like shit in your outfit. I get the sacred bond of vagina partners. 

   Here is what happens to me and why I don't trust girls. Former best friend with boobs, nailed my boyfriend at the time then lied to me about it. I've had "girlfriends" secretly hook up with guys I like. That's breaking the hoe-code. I've had girls tell me I could tell them anything, so I opened up and then what a surprise, my feelings are out. We are women! Unfortunately as such, there is that natural underlying sense of competition. Oh she is prettier than me. Her hair may be shinier but my ass is smaller. 

   It is how our shit works, and it is fucked up. 

   I befriend guys because 1) I like to watch sports and eat buffalo wings and drink beer. 2) Typically they are more honest than girls. 3) they can usually fix my car. 4) I can make a lot of penis jokes that only men appreciate. 

    But befriending guys doesn't mean you escape the drama. Just as the risk as trusting the girls is, trusting your guy friends as a woman can be far more detrimental. Guys aren't typically known to fuck over their female friends' trust. Usually this happens when more deeper feelings get involved. But, even I have had those select few male friends that have smiled to my face then aired my laundry behind my back. 

   Once you fall for your male friends, as a heterosexual woman, then you are fucked! Things get complicated. Feelings get hurt and trust gets broken. Sometimes, you get played. Sometimes you both fall in love but sometimes that isn't enough. I've had both happen. After my divorce, I embraced a ten year long urge with my best friend. Because the feelings had always secretly been there, I hoped he was the one. At the time he was. Then, I had to move. Now he is the one that got away, but the reason as to why I lost trust in him is because he nailed my best friend at the time and lied to me about it. 

   My marriage fell apart because he was a compulsive liar and abusive asshole. I spent three years with him and by the end of year one, there was no trust. Just fear. It wasn't until after we separated that he admitted to always having more severe feelings for my younger sister. Talk about confidence killer. I haven't been the same since. 

   I have been played. I have been the shiny toy for five minutes, then tossed aside for a newer model a plethora of times. I'm easily manipulated into trusting people because I want to see the good in everyone. Sometimes, not everyone is good. A friend called me out on being too trusting the other day. They were right. That's what brings me here to vent about such things. 

   Note before I continue: This is a generalized rant, hence all the examples from years ago. 

   

  FORGIVENESS: Forgiveness doesn't come as easy as trust does with me. It has taken me three years since my divorce to forgive my ex. He put me through a form of Hell, I wouldn't wish on anyone. But I learned to forgive. It used to be that if I ever saw him again, I'd probably beat his ass. Now, I'd thank him for letting me go because it was the best thing he ever did for me. My love life may be shit right now, but I would rather deal with the heartache over a short lived fling than go through that mess again. I forgave him. It took me awhile, but I am at peace with it. 

   I have had friends steal from me before. I have had friends betray me by spreading lies or twisting stories. I have forgiven them all, but again it took time. 

   Forgiveness when trust is broken with me is never impossible. It will happen. But you need to be patient and let the wounds heal. I won't show ill will because that's not the person I am. But just because I am still exuding kindness to you, doesn't mean I have forgiven you for hurting my feelings. Have faith I will forgive, but just know the level of trust you had before, you never will again. Also accept the fact it will take time to reach that point. 

   Whether the broken trust is due to a broken heart or absolute betrayal, I will forgive you. I expect nothing as far as effort goes to completely fix everything. Forgiveness has to be granted on my own to reestablish a deep friendship. Trust rebuilding has to be a mutual effort. I will meet you halfway. If you prove to be a better friend than before, the trust will come back. Myself on the other hand, will do everything in my power to keep your trust. 

   Rarely do I believe the poor choice of actions as my friend has malicious reasoning. Shit happens. But when feelings get hurt, it is what it is. Just know that deep down inside, many of you I will always hold love for you. The ones I know aren't malevolent. I know the difference. And you do matter dear to me. 

This article is a generalized statement of my character. I will never be one for verbal expression. Too much pressure to say all the right things. My friends needed to read this. This is me letting my guard down. I will forgive. But when I'm ready. 

  Thanks for reading. Thanks for understanding. Much love!! Xoxo. 

       -VvM. 

    

   

Never Lose Yourself Trying to Find Someone Else

   We all go through trials and tribulations in life that will either make us or break us.  Your boyfriend/girlfriend dumps you.  Your dog gets hit by a mail truck.  The grocery store is out of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.  Whatever! Shit happens and it is completely stupid to let it get you down forever.
   The entire reason why I am going on this rant is because I have been consumed in this vicious storm cloud of worry and over analyzing and super mopey and depressed over a boy. A boy that clearly will never be the "right guy" for me, despite the fact that I absolutely adore him and he is one of my best friends. Regardless, I see how I have been acting and the person that the situation made me become and I can't help but think that, "I gotta help other girls from making this same mistake."  I mean, the upside to how things panned out in my situation  is that as much as it hurts right now to know that it failed, I at least have learned some things about myself and can grow and be happy.  So I gotta thank the guy for that one.

   Here is what NOT to do when life gets you down.  Don't drink so much.  I spent the last few nights piss drunk Tornado style and each night was full of some sort of poor life choice.  Alcohol makes you depressed, and if it doesn't make you depressed, then it makes your clothes fall off and then you end up sleeping with your friend.  A cheer up cocktail is alright, but when you are doing eight shots of Patron and can't remember drunk dialing your ex the next day, it's a problem.  Especially if you repeat this cycle for days or weeks on end!

  Don't be afraid to eat your feelings.  If you had to choose between shooting heroin or eating a pound of Pillsbury Cookie Dough, which one are you going to choose.  Know what I do when life gets me down, or I get dumped or I fail a test?  I buy a bunch of Taco Bell/Pizza Hut/ etc. and I pig out and watch sappy movies like An Officer and a Gentleman.  Sure, I know that me stuffing my face will eventually reach my thighs, but hey desperate times call for desperate measures and I will stuff my face before resorting to other vices.  Plus food is good.

   Wake the fuck up and realize that you don't need someone else to make you happy, and that you can't depend on someone else to make you happy! See, this is where I went wrong and I went wrong at this turn years ago.  This isn't even a recent thing.  But after enough bad relationships (romantic or casual), I finally realized that this was where I have been going wrong.  At the end of the day, you really do only have yourself.  Some boy or girl can sit there and say that they really like you and that they want to be with you and feed you full of all of this shit, that doesn't even really matter because at the end of the day, when all is said and done, YOU ONLY HAVE YOURSELF.

  Let the stupid shit just roll off.  Easier said than done and this is a BIG one for me that I need to learn.  But before I put my two cents on it, I just want to address a few points to my fellow vagina partners who I personally wouldn't mind seeing get hit by a bus.  I just have three points for them that they can answer for me in the comments box:
   1) Why do you hit on the boys that your best girl friends like/sleeping with/dating/engaged to?  Or try to seduce them?
   2) Don't say you don't like drama if you are going to go around creating it, okay?
   3) Go fuck yourselves with a giant spandex covered sledgehammer.

   Anyway, I just had to get that off of my chest.  People are always going to talk.  Sometimes, it will be the chicks you think are your friends.  That's when you realize that this is exactly why you don't have that many girl friends.  See, the girl friends in my life that I actually trust are the ones who are married/in a serious relationship/ smart and actually don't like creating trouble because they are bored.  They are hard to find, but I do really like them when they come along.  This is just the downside of being a girl.

  I always told myself that I would NEVER become "that girl" that has to rely on her boyfriend or her circle of friends to make her happy.  I used to be a very independent person until my life hit the crisis of 2010 when it fell apart.  I used to like to be by myself and just hang out in complete solitude without the yacking hens of my peers around.  Now you know what I do, whenever I am by myself for a long period of time?

This.

   I absolutely hate being by myself.  I have no value for "me" time like I used to because I allowed myself to become so consumed with having a bunch of people around because I would rather be amused than bored and lonely.  I'm not saying I want to be a hermit, I'm just saying that I need to invest a little more time in "me time" than what I have been.  Once you start losing the traits about you that you used to have complete confidence in, that's when you are in for a world of shit.  I used to pride myself on being independent.  I used to literally get in my car and drive for like three hours to get away from people.  Now I sit around the house and if it's too quiet, I need to hang out with somebody because I just can't stand being by myself.

   

  It's just some food for thought and a little vent sesh.  Those are my thoughts.  I love you all (except those bitches that I pointed out...you suck), and I will be okay once I balance myself out a little bit.  

;) xoxo

-VvM

P.S. My computer is fucked up so that's why I haven't been writing four articles a week. Hopefully the computer Patch Adams will save it's life.  But I think it's dead.  Oops.   

The Best Place in Boston Ever

  This past weekend I spent with good friends in Boston and I had the time of my life. My best friend was having her wedding reception on a Boston Harbor cruise ship, and despite the fact that the ship charged an unGodly amount of money for a pomegranate martini, it did live up to the "booze cruise" title. 

   Aside from the ship, which will get its own review, my date and I happened to stumble upon a fine establishment called The Whiskey Priest right on Boston Harbor. 

   Hands down, this place was amazing. 

   Our first day in Boston, after Google maps got us all sorts of lost, we needed a drink. So, after we gave my car to the hotel valet, we took a stroll down the street and found The Whiskey Priest. Considering he and I are both big supporters of alcohol and Irish enthusiasm, we said "why the hell not?" and walked inside. 

   First off...the bar. The bar wraps around the entire bottom floor of the pub. They have so many kinds of whiskey it is absolutely ridiculous. The bar tender, an older gent with a very thick Bostonian accent, explained that The Whiskey Priest had been opened since 2010 and that its been doing well for itself. Never found out his name, but I'm gonna call him Mickey. He looked like a Mickey. 

   Then, this very beautiful (albeit cougar status) woman with blonde hair and blue eyes approaches the bar. It took all of three seconds for my date and I to realize that she was 100% full blooded, absolutely, straight off the boat Irish. Caught her name. It was Siobhan. Of course it would be Siobhan! (Note: It is pronounced 'shiv-Vaughn' for those who may have thought it was pronounced 'Seo--bahn'). 

    We tried explaining to Siobhan that we were a couple from Vermont. She didn't understand what Vermont was. Then, returning our conversation to Mickey, we told him that we live near a town called Sunderland and all of a sudden, the studious and petit Siobhan pipes up with, "Sunderland is in England!"

   No....nice try Shiv.  Nice try. 

   Upstairs of the building is this gorgeous patio that overlooks the harbor. Here is the one thing that sucks about the upper deck, though: 

    Because this is a whiskey bar, they typically prefer to serve whiskey in a glass. When you sit up on the upper deck, you drink out of plastic cups. My date wanted whiskey but they wouldn't serve it to him upstairs because they don't typically serve it in plastic cups. So, we had to improvise. 

    I'd like to hope there is some epic story behind it. For example, some dumb fuck tourist got really drunk and stumbled up onto the deck and threw a glass at some Boston skank walking down the street. Then Mickey (who was about 6 foot 4, 300lbs and definitely could toss you on the street by your pinkies) probably had to detain the drunk tourist and he struggled therefore he fell to his death on the curb below. 

   I know it's twisted, but its better than "oh yeah, we don't serve in glasses up here just because..." 

   The food was great. Buffalo wings? Delicious. Irish fries? Delicious. And the booze! Those Irish really do not fuck around when it comes to mixing a drink. I had a Jameson and Coke and by God in a chocolate Utopia it was strong!!!  

  Then there are the servers. I did not see one unattractive waitress working there. Miserable twat waffles some of them were, but their faces weren't too bad to look at. 

   All in all, the only complaints I have about it is, that while I understand the liability of it, serve Whiskey upstairs. 

   Oooh and when we went to lunch there on our first day, a wedding reception was happening there. Bride and groom walked into a large crowd full of cheers. I would so get married at The Whiskey Priest. Goddamn it, I just may. 

   Seriously, I you are ever at Boston Harbor, go to this place. You won't regret it. Thank you, The Whiskey Priest!

VidPick of the Week: My Idol Doing What She Does Best

   It has never been a secret that I adore Jenna Marbles.  She is the reason as to why I got back into blogging as much as I did because she makes the world laugh and I have a similar sense of humor.  Any woman who can make fun of herself and still be properly okay with people laughing at her, is a great woman. 
   I watch her videos when I am happy, and when I am sad and I happened to stumble upon these two that I will share both.  This first one was the original and it's bloody brilliant.  Just watch.

   And this is the second half.  She filmed this, as you can see in the midst of dealing with some personal shit.  Despite the pitfalls of life, she still delivered to her loyal fans.  That is a strong woman right there and the second video is just as hysterical as the first video.  As a woman in a similar rut, I still feel the need to deliver to my audience, so I figured this would be the best way.  To share the two videos on the internet I can watch time and time again and still laugh at just as hard, no matter what is going on.  Thank you Jenna! You are amazing!

xoxo ;)

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Peace and Serenity

   I have had a tough couple of days. Kind of lashed out without getting all the facts to a situation I didn't handle as well as I could have. I went to a wake the day before yesterday. And today I found out that a superior member of my company feels it is okay to divulge fictitious gossip about me. Bad week.  So I decided to take the rest of my afternoon and say "fuck off" to everyone and enjoy some quality time to myself as my friend inadvertently bailed. 

   I began my quest for serenity by finding the spot where my senior pictures were taken. Along the Battenkill River in East Arlington, Vermont is a beautiful spot where there is peaceful sounds. Raging rapids flowing quickly. Birds chirping. A chilly breeze dancing past me that alleviated the torment of this hot day. 

   I spent some time just staring at the rapids which rest by a waterfall. I wondered what the probability of surviving a bareback ride down them would be. Note: I am not suicidal. Just kind of weird and morbid like that. 

   The sun glistened through the trees and illuminated the water as I stuck my toes in. By the way, it was fucking cold! And a blue jay perched on a low branch by me and for a split second I had the urge to sing to it like a Disney Princess. But to save the ears of the woodland creatures I stayed quiet. 

   I chose this spot because visits there are rare. It is like something out of a fairy tale. Absolute gorgeous. 

   I will not divulge on the things I attempted to meditate on. I need to work on focusing the mind and isolating myself from the surrounding appliances and non earthly elements and just bond with earthly ones. I break my focus because of my phone or the sound of a car with a loud exhaust passing by.  But I need to figure my life out soon because life is too short to waste it. 

   After getting myself frustrated without being able to focus on the self inflicted issues, I decided to go for a drive. I drove past the house I grew up in. The house before the one my parents own now. It has since been repainted. Bravo. 

   Then I drove up to the cemetery to visit my nephew for the first time. My nephew passed away a few years ago because of health issues while still an infant. I have never visited him myself and vaguely knew where he was laid to rest. When I finally found it, I did something I rarely do. I actually prayed. I kneeled down (successfully in a short dress mind you), placed my hand on his headstone, bowed my head and actually prayed. 

   I never pray. I don't believe in any particular God to pray too. I guess maybe it was more of a silent one sided conversation with Ryan that no one could hear because I kept my mouth shut. Very weird experience. 

   That alone made me think of something else. When I head to Boston this weekend with a dear friend of mine, I need to make a pit stop in Winchester which conveniently we drive right through anyway. Back when I was going to get married, one of my in laws ended up passing away at the young age of 38 leaving behind a 3 year old son and amazing husband. When the ex and I split I lost touch with the uncle in law and I miss he and their son terribly. Anyway, the departed person in subject is my ex's Aunt Michelle whom I was close enough with to where her passing affected me more than I had anticipated. 

   I want to make a quick visit, because although she has passed onto whatever blissful and peaceful realm she has, and I'm not part of the family anymore, I still feel that I need to see her. Even for a minute. Her anniversary is coming up and who knows when I will be down again. 

   That was my day. Oh, and I decided to sell my wedding band and engagement ring. There is no reason for me to have them. So I might as well make money off of them. 

    It felt good to get away. Although my afternoon panned out to be somber I still realized that every once in a while you need to take a step back and find some inner gratification. Good plan and I will do it again. 

:) xoxo

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Wedding Dress Drama

  About three years ago, I almost made the stupid mistake to get married to the absolutely definite wrong person. Had we gotten married, undoubtably, we would be going through a divorce today if we weren't already divorced. I never look back on it and think that breaking the relationship two weeks prior to the date of the wedding was a poor choice. As I said, we would be divorced or divorcing. 

   In my recent stint of weight loss however, I came to realize something today. When the day arises that I am about to walk down the aisle towards my actual Prince Charming, my custom made wedding gown will need to be so adjusted....or I have to get big again. 

   I went from a size 14 to a size 8 over the last year. Recently I took my wedding gown out of the closet just for the simple fact that I like to look at it. It's very elegant. Strapless, off white, pickup skirt (where it looks bunched up) and a black corset in the back that reaches my ass with a very long embroidered train. It is the type of dress that when a woman wears it into a room everyone takes notice. It reminds me that one day I will be an elegant princess for a few hours. 

   But this dress is a size 14/16. So provided I keep to my goal of staying thin, I will have to have a lot of material to take off. So, I'm down to three options:

1. Wash my hands clean of it and buy a new dress when my knight in shining tin foil sweeps me away from my ivory tower. 

2. Take in all the material and change its shape severely. 

3. Gain all my weight back.  No. 

   It is a real dilemma and I'm not looking to get married for a couple years, but it is a humorous batch of thoughts I've had.  I wonder if other chicks in my situation have had this issue. Comments? 

Xoxo ;) 

Scratch Tickets Can Kiss My Undercarriage!

   Know what has become equivalent to the sound of nails being scraped ferociously across a blackboard to me?  The sound of scratch tickets being scratched off!  It has become the most God-awful sound in the entire world to me.  Die, Tickets! Die!!

   I was sitting in my room tonight trying to figure out what the hell I was going to write about, and I remembered that awhile back I had the idea to express what being a Clerk at a gas station is really like.  Well, sit right back and enjoy the show because this rant is about to blow up! Like the coffee that managed to lunge all over me earlier tonight at work.  FAIL!

   I'm going to settle with a particular subject this time around, and only because I was dealing with these goddamned things all night long.  People who come in and blow HUNDREDS of dollars on scratch tickets like they are just pissing away money.  Let me ask you something, those of you who spend hundreds of dollars a week in scratch tickets:  Don't you have anything better to spend your cabbage on?  I cannot express how often I have people come in and buy a bunch of tickets, then they will go out and scratch them and then come back in and get more.
    Then, I have the assholes that I REALLY HATE.  They are the ones that will buy a bunch of scratch tickets and then stand at the counter and scratch them.  I have one customer who lives off the state and will come in and buy one ticket at a time.  Granted, he will spend about $400 during his visit to my store on scratch tickets alone.  But he buys them one at a time and he will stand right where my customers need to swipe their debit/credit cards and scratch his fucking tickets there!  Doesn't matter how many times, or how bitchtastic you phrase, "[so and so] you need to move.", he just doesn't fucking get it. 
    There has been numerous times where I have customers who come in and blow more money that I make in a month on scratch tickets and then they win absolutely nothing.  My favorite is when I get blamed for their bad life choices of gambling away their entire paycheck without buying cat food.  Yes, I do hate you so much that I did a magical spell with my pretend-a-superpowers and made it so that you cannot possibly win anything over the absolute minimal amount.  You caught me.  Good job, Super Sleuth! Here is my praising you:

   That god awful noise though of scratch ticket paper or whatever it is made out of, is becoming as bad as nails against a chalk board.  It makes me cringe.  Seriously, I wish I was kidding.  And the shavings from the scratch tickets get under your nails and then your hands look like you haven't bathed in months because they leave this disgusting residue on your hands. 

   No good comes from Scratch Tickets!  Oh and FAST PLAYS.  Fast Plays are the 'Online Tickets' that a clerk prints out for you from the computer like a Powerball ticket but you can check them immediately as opposed to wait for the drawing to be held to find out if you won (or most likely lost). 
   I have a customer who plays Fast Plays like they are going out of style.  I'm going to call her 'Nancy'...I really hope her name isn't really Nancy...okay I will go with 'Esther'.  No one names their kid, 'Esther' anymore.   So Esther likes her Fast Plays and they not only take forever to print out of the machine, but they take copious amounts of ink to print them.  Essentially, it is costing the store an obscene amount of paper and ink.  Granted, it will all get used up from other people buying Powerballs and MegaBucks but no Esther! No.
   She won well over a thousand-fucking-dollars on Fast Play and she did not give the Clerk a cent! It is a polite to tip your 'dealer' who gives you the scratch paper meth that you are now divulged financially in.  She just trots on into the store and will buy seven of these stupid tickets and then check them.  She doesn't do the game that is on the ticket, because a Fast Play game looks like this:

   As you can see, there is a game to it.  Nope, she just scans it and when she wins, this is usually her reaction:

But when she loses, this is usually her reaction:

   Random side note...I can attach GIFs to my blog now....

  And for the record to all of you that come in and ask me for scratch tickets, let me just be the first person to tell you that Scratch Ticket paper cuts are horrible! They are a mix between a paper-cut and a cardboard-cut.  Not a fun experience.  If my blood, goes onto your ticket that you so desperately needed, because of a ticket cut, and you win $10,000, you better at least give me $100 because then you can spare it, Bitch. 

  Scratch Tickets will be the death of me.  I never want to get one again in my life because I have to deal with them all the time.  I hate them! Maybe I will get lucky and they will not suck so much anymore.  Get a thinner, less noisy paper.  Yeah, that would be real nice!

xoxo ;)


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Mike & Ike Are Bromancin' Again

 So, many months ago the makers of Mike and Ike candies decided that for promotional purposes that Mike and Ike would be in a feud. Kind of like the breakup of Barbie and Ken although this is far more ridiculous. 

   Can I just remind everyone that Mike and Ike have no essence of being at all? They do not even have mascots. They are just pill shaped candies that are named after two faceless men. 

   So who are Mike and Ike? I'd like to think they are two bros who live together in a two bedroom retro apartment in Venice Beach. So maybe Mike slept with Ike's sister or maybe Ike forgot to turn the stove off and that's why their bromance broke up.  Whatever the case may be, the one at fault must have apologized because not only is the opposite member's name no longer scribbled out on the box, but the box got a complete makeover! So they made up and went to Abercrombie and Fitch afterwards for some new threads! Good job, boys. Putting your difference aside and looking good in the end. Bravo. 

   Still, I prefer Darkside Skittles. Less bromance drama. 

Xoxo ;)

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VidPick of The Week: My Favorite The Principle's Office Moments

    Back a few years ago on TruTV, there was this awesome TV show called The Principal's Office.  Pretty much the point of the show was camera crews spent a day at a school and taped footage of numerous kids getting sent to the Principal's Office. It was AMAZING because I was in college when this show came out and I remembered how my Principal would come over the loudspeaker and call people down to his office.  Brilliance!
   To be completely honest, I have a huge crush on one of the Principal's on this program.  This is the guy:

  Sorry, but he was a cutie.  And to top it all off, his punishments were fair and he managed to somehow always get the dumbass kids. 
  I went on YouTube and I found a bunch of The Principal's Office clips that I figured I would share with you, my friendly followers.  Watch them and reminisce about how you used to get called to the Principal's Office for stuffing Jolley Ranchers down the pants of the AV Department kids, or how that one time you started a food fight and then got caught smoking a joint up in the back parking lot.  You remember the days.  If you are a reader and are still IN high school...don't do the dumb shit these kids are doing. 
   So without further ado, I bring you some clips of one of my favorite reality shows and I am very sad that it was cancelled. 

  See what I mean?  Makes me want to be an educator all over again! Especially the last one.  Absolutely love it!

xoxo ;)

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VidPick of the Week: Michael Jackson's Ghost

   We are quickly approaching the fourth anniversary of the passing of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson.  Where were you when the most iconic and controversial pop star died?  I was at work, and a friend came into the restaurant and said, "Hey, so Michael Jackson just died!"
   Given the fact that MJ was big on pulling publicity stunts, and the fact that Farrah Fawcett had just died on that same day, it wouldn't surprise me if it was an elaborate prank.  But fuck was I wrong.  
  For months afterward, every channel and radio station played MJ.  A rock station outside of Boston that I listened to when I lived down there played "Beat It" over and over and over again.  Granted, that could also be the fact that Eddie Van Halen played the awesome guitar solo.
   I admit that while he was alive, I never gave MJ a shot.  I followed all the news reports of him touching children and wanted nothing to do with it.  But then he died, and his music was all I heard for months on end.  So, eventually I had to accept the fact that I was an MJ fan. 

   A week or two after his passing Larry King went to his Neverland Ranch and did a piece on everything that it was about.  Midway through the special, everyone on set goes into his bedroom and you see vaguely in the background by the fireplace, the silhouette of a figure passing by. Just check out the GIF.

   Notice how the figure seems to be wearing a top hat, eerily familiar to this look:

   Creepy. 
   If you all thought that perhaps I just created that GIF to try and promote the point that ghosts exist, then watch this week's video of the week:  P.S. Don't watch this if you have a weak heart!!

 
  

    Hahaha.....sorry, I had to! 

  Yeah, I can't even top that with anything else to say.  See you guys all next week!

xoxo ;)

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I, The Grammar Nazi Blog Writer Now Bring You This

   If there is one thing in this entire world that I cannot stand for the life of me, it is the misuse of the English language.  In my high school years, I wanted to be an English teacher because I wanted to help breed knowledgeable scholars who would speak decent English without sounding like complete dumbasses.  Note the Star Wars meme up above.  Yeah, that's just the beginning of this long rant that will belittle everyone who uses the term "Cray" without doing so in a mocking tone of voice.  If you are one of those people that can appreciate my sarcasm in calling you out, go on.  Keep reading.  If not, find something else in my long list of blog posts to tickle your innards.  Shit's about to get real.

  Let's begin with the basics.  In the English language, there are certain words that sound the same, but are spelled the same and have different meanings.  Such as:
you're
your
to
too
two
  Holy crap! I can't believe that there are so many possibilities to potentially butcher the English language just based on the fact that these words sound the same.  It only applies when you are writing them though.  You don't take into consideration that someone could be fucking up 'you're' and 'your' when you hear it.  But in instances like the above picture, that's when us as Grammar Nazi's start going ape shit on your misuse.
 

   Punctuation is another really big one.  I am very big on commas.  Obviously.  I know that I use them in places that they do not necessarily need to be in.  I would rather play on the safe side, however.  Also, do not use an exclamation point unless you are making a bold statement or eager answer.  Example: Wow! Look at all the hippos!" 
   Yeah, look at the hippos.  It's that important.  Because I put exclamation points.  Regular sentences, just use periods.  Like that one.  And this one.  You get it.
  
   Now I am going to offend everyone who is around the 13-25 age range because this is where I blast on the music industry.  Artists like Drake, Jay Z and Kanye West created new words that swept this nation that is already full of ignorant dumbasses by storm.  You know the ones I'm talking about. 
  YOLO: An acronym for You Only Live Once
  CRAY: The lazy way of saying 'crazy' because you know, the letter "z" hasn't been ostracized enough already. 
  SWAG: Something that 'smooth' men claim to have to get whores to sleep with them...
 

  Let me continue with butchering words such as:
  THAT somehow becomes DAT
  WITH somehow becomes WIF
  FOOL somehow becomes FOO.

   Are you fucking kidding me?  I remember when Ebonics tried getting put into schools as a 'secondary' or 'foreign' language because a lot of people couldn't figure out what the fuck black people where saying.  This isn't a race thing though! I see little punk Caucasian kids coming into my store all the time talking in what used to be known as Ebonics.  To all those kids, and sadly some are adults, STOP IT! You are helping the racism issue continue on because it makes you look like you are mocking them because of their vocabulary. 
   I have a black grandfather, who is just about 100 years old now.  I will never forget, we were sitting at a restaurant in New York City, and this younger black kid with low riding jeans and a sideways baseball cap went strolling by.  50 Cent blaring from the ear buds in his ears loud enough for all of us to hear it.  My grandfather nonchalantly sets his cane a little out into the sidewalk and trips the kid.  Not enough for him to fall over but enough to catch him off guard.
    The young black kid goes, "N***a, what da fuck are you doin'?  You be trippin' blah blah blah". 
  Without missing a beat, Poppa H. smacks the asshole with his cane and goes, "Pipe down! You make our race look bad.  Now pull your goddamn pants up and start talking like an intellectual."
   That was probably one of the most badass things I will ever witness in my entire life.  It was a glorious moment to see that not only was my grandfather this awesome black guy, but he was also just as much of a Grammar Nazi as I am.
    I guess it's a generational thing.  My paternal grandfather is the same way.  Although, he was a school teacher for his entire life.  Growing up near him and being at his house all the time, I was always corrected.  If I said "yeah", in response to a question, I would immediately hear this:
    "VICTORIA MARIE, IT'S 'YES' GODDAMN IT!"
    I learned very quickly that always respond with, 'yes.'  I have been slipping on that a bit.  Never around him, though.  I still get yelled at for my grammar when I slip up and I'm 25 years old now!
  
   Then there is TEXTING and E-MAILING.   This is what drives me nuts the most because it is so lazy.  Here is just some of them:
  U, Ur, b4, Go 2, Some1

  I briefly dated this moron last year that was NOTORIOUS for using abbreviations in text.  I can overlook 'Lol' and 'Bc'.  But no, this kid would text me and it would pretty much me asking him for a text message decoder to figure out what in the chocolate fuck he was saying! I literally dumped his ass, because I could not stand getting these text messages that were complete jibberish anymore.  He didn't understand the fact that I am a writer.  I was an editor of a magazine in college.  Of course I will critique your grammar mistakes! I often asked him where he went to school and if he just slept through all of it because it was like having a conversation with a simpleton.  Wait, he was.  That's why our courtship lasted all of two dates and a week and a half of texting before I let him down.  Had I stayed, I would probably still be trying to figure out what he was saying.

   I just don't understand why people want to sound stupid by butchering a perfectly fine language.  The world would probably be in a little better place if people didn't walk around sounding stupid.  There would probably be more jobs out there because employers don't want to hire people that cannot produce a decently constructed sentence.  Please, for the greater good of mankind, speak English fluently and respectfully.  Cut this 'swag' and 'YOLO' shit out and remember that 'A lot' is two words.  Not one. 

xoxo ;)

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Clerk Rant

  My day job is a gas station attendant. My passion/business/purpose in life is this blog/company I started. But those who have been following since day one get that. 

   As I sit here, at my day job, getting paid for writing this blog, when frankly there is coffee to be made, I think of some things about life. Finally I get a break from the chaotic clientele I am usually graced with. 

   Side note: my next piece is going to be submitted to Cracked because it is a detailed list of the kinds of people, we as clerks, absolutely despise. 

   Back to the point.  Goddamned my writing Attention Deficit Disorder...

  What the hell does this all mean? The sun. The moon. Trees. Water. Fire. Sand. What is going on here, and why am I significant to it all? Well, the list of elements and other natural substances I just listed is called "Life". And it happens. 

   Go fucking figure. 

   You drive down the street and you see in the distance a plethora of red and blue flashing lights. Traffic is blocked off for two or three blocks, but you are still able to catch a glimpse of the action. You see paramedics wheeling a conscious 8 year old into the back of an ambulance. You also see that his mother is screaming and hollering at an elderly lady as police try to calm her down. 

   What you didn't see, was that the old lady hit the boy on his bicycle because she was trying to light her Virginia Slim 120. What you won't get to see, is that because an ambulance was only half a block up on a coffee stop, the young boys life was saved. 

   That's what life is all about. Sucky situations and outstanding situations. Finding hope and solace in the most dismal of life events. It isn't easy. I wish I could say it were. 

   I don't believe in destiny. I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe you choose your own path. I also believe that no matter how sexy a potential life mate is, you must get to know him/her before calling it "love".  I learned that after falling for the wrong guys over and over again because their looks to personality ratio leaned in the less important direction. I've learned and I aim for better. Amazing how happy it makes me. 

   My life was not predetermined by some astrological phenomena. I've stated before I am Agnostic. I believe that there is something beyond this dimension of life but I won't know what it's all about until I'm dead. I wake up everyday, taking the same chances of dying in a freak accident involving a toaster strudel and a hair dryer. I have to make my own shit happen. It won't happen "just because".

  Now here is where the crappy part of life that makes me sad comes in to play. You make new friends and get accepted into a core group of friends either thru a romantic relationship or just a mutual friendship. Eventually, inevitably, that pack of friends is going to dismantle. People will either get married and start a life separated from their single friends. Others will break up over something and sometimes people just drift apart. This has happened a lot in my 25 years on this magical ball we call Earth. 

   Maybe, I'm the problem. 

   No. It just happens. Naturally. 

  

   I wish I could say that I am living the dream or have some cool story for this post, but really it was just a collection of thought salad I figured I'd share with everyone. I was bored. Guilty. Guess I will go make mediocre Vermont based coffee now. Boo. P.S. I want this tattoo. Just the saying. Fuck the birds. 

Xoxo ;) 

VidPic of The Week: Military Gone Ke$ha

  

    I was very close to marrying into the military some years ago.  While trying to do a little research into what my then future husband guy was doing with his spare time, I happened to stumble upon this on the internet back in 2009ish.  I cannot tell you how many times I have seen this jackpot of a video.  I used to watch it just because it made me laugh so hard.  I watched it the other day with my friend who equally found it just as awesome. 
    That's when I decided to share it with my fellow readers.  I know last week I said that the VidPics would be Wednesday mornings at a super early time, and I do plan to still deliver that to you tomorrow, however I couldn't wait to give this the added love and support I have for it.
   Without further ado, this is the military dancing to Ke$ha's breakout single, "Tik Tok".  Please enjoy.

See?  How hard did you laugh.  If you didn't laugh, you definitely had a "What the fuck is this?" train of thought, huh?  Well, choo-choo, I got you for next time!

xoxo ;)

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