10 Things Hesser Taught Me

  I had the fortunate experience to go to college immediately after high school. Unfortunately, the college I chose slowly became a waste dump that overcharged and replaced all the great professors with condescending assholes. 

   I learned more street smarts going there rather than actual career stuff. It's kind of funny, so I figure I would share them with you! 

1. Ranch dressing can make anything taste better. 

2. When sneaking liquor into your dorm room, hide it in your laundry bag. 

3. When trying to set an ambiance for a romantic hookup in a dorm that doesn't allow candles, use Zippo lighters. 

4. Never stand outside smoking under the women's bathroom. Bloody feminine hygiene products tend to "fall out" the window. 

5. Make sex, showers and shits quick in case the fire alarm gets pulled. And don't try kinky shit like handcuffs. The alarm will get pulled when you are cuffed to the bed. Believe me...

6. Chicken Tenders can be used as weapons. 

7. Guitar Hero doesn't make you a rock god, but it does pass the time. 

8. There are 20 sides to every story, then nobody knows the right one. 

9. Men who wear their pants real low will trip if you chase them, or steal their steak and cheese subs. 

10. The ghosts of young children are creepy, but iron doors with claw marks in the basement are even worse...

Xoxo ;)