Brief synopsis: I wrote a manifesto about my experience at my Alma Mater. The people I met that impacted my life the most, good and bad. The truest friends I have ever had. I also wrote about them, without stating any names due to the potential that depending on how their story goes, they could sue me. So I went by the type of footwear that they sported the most. Thus, creating a memoir entitled, "Footwear: The People You Meet In College".
I am a self proclaimed, very funny woman. My memoir mixes a lot of comedy with emotion due to the fact that I am a very emotional person. Not only those few days a month when all I want to do is eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's and am a raging c-u-next-tuesday to innocent bystanders. Like, this week. Sorry. Menstrual jokes make me giggle because my female audience can relate.
I have spent the last few months crying over stupid shit in my life. Not finding romantic happiness. Working at a job I hate with no respect. Not feeling worthy of the world at all. I front that I am confident and that I am comfy in my own skin, but it is in fact bullshit. There is one thing I am confident in though, and that's that I can make people laugh in my writing. I may go through spurts where I piss and moan about how I am afraid that I will fall on my ass and fail, but a very special friend of mine told me when I shared this news with him, that "failure is part of life. Taking a chance is part of life. Don't regret the past when you reach future events". I rolled my eyes at him and he told me he would smack me if I didn't call this woman back. If I didn't take the chance.
Many others have been on my case about bucking up and getting over my fear. I have to also give them credit, despite the fact that violence wasn't exactly and option or consequence.
I like writing about my life experiences. I have made many mistakes in my life. Burned some bridges. Slept with some friends. Had a pill addiction for a brief period of time. Dropped out of college. Although the last one is irrelevant only because I ended up going back and graduating with honors. Back to the point, I have made a few mistakes. Lived a bit. I am an imperfect human. Sometimes, I hate people. Sometimes for a good reason. Other times not. I want to be able to help people. Help keep them from making the same selfish, self destructive decisions I have made.
Remember the definition of insanity: Don't repeat the same mistakes over and over expecting different results. You do in fact go mad. Batshit bananas crazy sometimes. Shit happens.
I made the mistake of backing out of a wonderful job opportunity that would get me the fuck out of this small Vermont town that I am seeing fall in the shitter. I should have taken that shot. But I have complete faith that one will turn around in no time. I have to be optimistic. Someone has to be, and it can only be myself.
Life is all about priorities. I am slowly learning that you only have yourself in life. Make yourself do greater things with that power and endurance. "Anything is possible if you just believe". I've lost all faith in humanity. I see good people falling into drug habits. Committing crimes. Being destructive and promiscuous. There is in fact more to life than getting notches under your belt, getting high and commiting larceny. Work on you before saving others Some are worth saving. Others you have to just let go of and hope for the best. I've done this many of times. I've also had bouts of success in helping people. At the end of the day people are going to make their own choices. I made my choice. I chose to let bygones be bygones and take a chance in life. A perhaps seemingly selfish chance in life. Like I said, worry about yourself before worrying about others. As long as you are committing no actual harm to others, I encourage selfish decisions. It's fucked, but it is my philosophy.
Rid yourself of the things that make you unhappy. Start over somewhere new if you have the means. I don't have the means right now for that, but when I do, Vermont is getting a giant "fuck you" and I am peacing out cubschout. I love my family. My friends. But there is more to life than what is offered here.
Bottom line: I will do great. I will do it alone if I have to. But I am taking the chance. If I fail, I try again. :)
;) xoxox
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