Look at 50 Shades of Grey. That book taught me two things: 1) I do have a kinky side and do enjoy being spanked. Preferably by rich men only. And 2) going into specific detail about performing fellacio in a claw foot bathtub will put you on the New York Times best sellers list. My only complaint with that book was its redundancy. I don't need to know every feeling your "inner goddess" is having, Ms. Anastasia Steele.
I'm not good at writing sex scenes into my novels. I have tried, as I have written numerous love stories and when I get to the point where the two protagonists are at that "lovemaking stage", I get writers block. I read the Red Hot Reads in Cosmo and they throw around the terms "climax" and "pulsating member" like it's everyday usage. I'm sorry, but never once, have I complimented a partner using the words "pulsating member". I mean, what kind of guy is gonna be chill with a chick saying to them, "Hey, Steve. So that's a dapper pulsating member you have going on right now. I'm ready to climax."
...No.
I cannot take sex seriously if that was the kind of talk used during coitus. I'm all about dirty talk. But there's dirty talk that is sexy and then there is the kind of coital talk that just kills it. I give 50 Shades of Grey props for getting it right. I read the term, "Oh baby." Many many times and was actually moved by it because it didn't make me want to vomit. Until I thought about how many women got pregnant/STD's/vaginal tearing because of that book.
Erotic fiction is so over the top too with its detail. I'm not even talking about switching words out for illusions (Ex: a woman's white thighs becomes "her creamy thighs were smooth like satin sheets). I'm talking about the foreplay descriptions! My absolute favorite was a short story that I read in some magazine (probably Cosmo) and it was an excerpt. The beginning of the story went somewhat as follows (forgive me but I am paraphrasing here):
"He removed her lace baby doll and threw it across the room as if it were a shred of trash. He knew he had torn the fabric. But he desired her body, her soul, her essence so severely that he needed her naked. Right then. Right there."
Foreplay does NOT start off like that. I understand that they are using dramatics to emphasize the level of intimacy but that's not how sex works. People are clumsy in the moment. You're trying to tear your partner's clothes off and their head gets stuck or they trip because you tug on their pant leg too hard. It's never this perfect and magical moment. Which personally, is fine with me because I not only welcome imperfections but I have also accidentally elbowed a partner in the face trying to pull the smooth moves I read about in erotic novels. Sorry again, ex boyfriend who I don't care for anymore but I still do feel like an asshole for that. Kind of...
That is where my writing comes in. For two years I have been writing this novel and there is only one pivotal sex scene in it. It brings the story to a shattering climax (pun not intended...ok maybe a little). I cannot use imagery very well because I make it awkward. I try to follow suit and use euphemisms for genitalia but they come out sounding absolutely ridiculous. Such as, and this is an actual example:
"Scott forced himself in between Brooke's open legs. She reached her hand down and felt his hard erection."
See? Straight to the point. And I have to be 100% honest with my readers, writing that above excerpt felt AWKWARD AS FUCK!! Sex is a very difficult thing to write about. Not sure why. I mean, I have experienced it. I get what it is all about. I know what I'm talking about with it. I think that it's because perhaps different people have different views about it. Some use sex to just procreate and find no pleasure out of it whatsoever. Others are promiscuous and will stick their junk anywhere. And we live in a society where you are either a prude or a slut and I think that has a lot to do with my fear of being that vulnerable of a writer. It can offend anyone.
When 50 Shades of Grey first debuted, some library in Florida made headlines for banning it. I'm just chilling up in Vermont reading it, secretly learning a incognito way of pulling off sex while on my menses. It offended so many people with its taboo and kink factor because there really isn't a lot out there talking about BDSM. I'm afraid of making the big time and offending these people. I mean, E.L James got death threats over this shit.
I guess the furthest my erotic fiction is going to go is to write a short story about premature eye-ulation. It will go something as follows:
"She took off her lacy, black panties. The end."
Yup. Sounds good to me!
;) xoxo
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