If there is
one thing in this entire world that I cannot stand for the life of me, it is the misuse of the English language. In my high school years, I wanted to be an English teacher because I wanted to help breed knowledgeable scholars who would speak decent English without sounding like complete dumbasses. Note the
Star Wars meme up above. Yeah, that's just the beginning of this long rant that will belittle everyone who uses the term "Cray" without doing so in a mocking tone of voice. If you are one of those people that can appreciate my sarcasm in calling you out, go on. Keep reading. If not, find something else in my long list of blog posts to tickle your innards. Shit's about to get real.
Let's begin with the basics. In the English language, there are certain words that sound the same, but are spelled the same and have different meanings. Such as:
you're
your
to
too
two
Holy crap! I can't believe that there are so many possibilities to potentially butcher the English language just based on the fact that these words sound the same. It only applies when you are writing them though. You don't take into consideration that someone could be fucking up 'you're' and 'your' when you hear it. But in instances like the above picture, that's when us as Grammar Nazi's start going ape shit on your misuse.
Punctuation is another really big one. I am very big on commas. Obviously. I know that I use them in places that they do not necessarily need to be in. I would rather play on the safe side, however. Also, do not use an exclamation point unless you are making a bold statement or eager answer. Example: Wow! Look at all the hippos!"
Yeah, look at the hippos. It's that important. Because I put exclamation points. Regular sentences, just use periods. Like that one. And this one. You get it.
Now I am going to offend everyone who is around the 13-25 age range because this is where I blast on the music industry. Artists like Drake, Jay Z and Kanye West created new words that swept this nation that is already full of ignorant dumbasses by storm. You know the ones I'm talking about.
YOLO: An acronym for
You
Only
Live
Once
CRAY: The lazy way of saying 'crazy' because you know, the letter "z" hasn't been ostracized enough already.
SWAG: Something that 'smooth' men claim to have to get whores to sleep with them...
Let me continue with butchering words such as:
THAT somehow becomes
DAT
WITH somehow becomes
WIF
FOOL somehow becomes
FOO.
Are you fucking kidding me? I remember when Ebonics tried getting put into schools as a 'secondary' or 'foreign' language because a lot of people couldn't figure out what the fuck black people where saying. This isn't a race thing though! I see little punk Caucasian kids coming into my store all the time talking in what used to be known as Ebonics. To all those kids, and sadly some are adults, STOP IT! You are helping the racism issue continue on because it makes you look like you are mocking them because of their vocabulary.
I have a black grandfather, who is just about 100 years old now. I will never forget, we were sitting at a restaurant in New York City, and this younger black kid with low riding jeans and a sideways baseball cap went strolling by. 50 Cent blaring from the ear buds in his ears loud enough for all of us to hear it. My grandfather nonchalantly sets his cane a little out into the sidewalk and trips the kid. Not enough for him to fall over but enough to catch him off guard.
The young black kid goes, "N***a, what da fuck are you doin'? You be trippin' blah blah blah".
Without missing a beat, Poppa H. smacks the asshole with his cane and goes, "Pipe down! You make our race look bad. Now pull your goddamn pants up and start talking like an intellectual."
That was probably one of the most badass things I will ever witness in my entire life. It was a glorious moment to see that not only was my grandfather this awesome black guy, but he was also just as much of a Grammar Nazi as I am.
I guess it's a generational thing. My paternal grandfather is the same way. Although, he was a school teacher for his entire life. Growing up near him and being at his house all the time, I was
always corrected. If I said "yeah", in response to a question, I would immediately hear this:
"VICTORIA MARIE, IT'S 'YES' GODDAMN IT!"
I learned very quickly that always respond with, 'yes.' I have been slipping on that a bit. Never around him, though. I still get yelled at for my grammar when I slip up and I'm 25 years old now!
Then there is TEXTING and E-MAILING. This is what drives me nuts the most because it is so lazy. Here is just some of them:
U, Ur, b4, Go 2, Some1
I briefly dated this moron last year that was NOTORIOUS for using abbreviations in text. I can overlook 'Lol' and 'Bc'. But no, this kid would text me and it would pretty much me asking him for a text message decoder to figure out what in the chocolate fuck he was saying! I literally dumped his ass, because I could not stand getting these text messages that were complete jibberish anymore. He didn't understand the fact that I am a writer. I was an editor of a magazine in college. Of course I will critique your grammar mistakes! I often asked him where he went to school and if he just slept through all of it because it was like having a conversation with a simpleton. Wait, he was. That's why our courtship lasted all of two dates and a week and a half of texting before I let him down. Had I stayed, I would probably still be trying to figure out what he was saying.
I just don't understand why people want to sound stupid by butchering a perfectly fine language. The world would probably be in a little better place if people didn't walk around sounding stupid. There would probably be more jobs out there because employers don't want to hire people that cannot produce a decently constructed sentence. Please, for the greater good of mankind, speak English fluently and respectfully. Cut this 'swag' and 'YOLO' shit out and remember that 'A lot' is two words. Not one.
xoxo ;)
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