In like a week it is the anniversary of when my former roommate Rob and sister Kat went on a road trip down to Georgia to see my now ex fiancé graduate from Boot Camp. I was watching the videos we recorded on that trip last night and I now remember a few things:
1) I'm glad the ex, Bruce, and I split because we fought too much. You never really know how much you hate your ex significant other until you have evidence that once upon a time you couldn't even speak a sentence to each other without being antagonistic.
2) I miss Rob and Kat terribly. After watching them fight about the once upon a time friend-with-benefits relationship they had it made me remember a lot of bittersweet moments in their dramatic affair.
3) Myself on cold medicine stuck in a car on a military base was an interesting trip.
4) That week and a half will forever go down in my life as one of the greatest experiences of my life.
I have been dealing a lot lately with feeling empty. I miss my little sister and my niece. I miss my friends and my independence. I miss being able to walk down the street to the bar. I kind of miss my old life, as long as you take the ex out of the equation. But at the same point, I have made some pretty awesome friends here.
The problem with the Bennington area is I have limited options for employment. I hold two degrees and neither of them I am really use here. If going for my Masters wasn't so expensive I would just go for it. It's just another two years. But when I'd graduate there really is nothing here.
I'd love to move but I don't want to move on my own because I hate the idea of starting over on my own. Truth be told, I want to find a job where I can do this for a living. Creative writing. Right now I manage a gas station. Not exactly where I saw myself but somewhere along the way I got unmotivated. Discouraged, I suppose. Actually, I remember the exact moment I threw it all away.
When I got married, the plan was to move to Texas. In a nutshell of clusterfucked events, neither happened and by the time it was too late I had washed my hands clean of any hopes to continue living in New Hampshire on my own. I should have planned better. That is on me. I had to move back with my parents and start over. I haven't made it very far.
As far as romance goes, I wasted my time with a guy when I moved back to Vermont for about a year and a half if not more. I smartened up, started seeing someone else and that doomed. After the third bad relationship in 3 years I kinda lost faith in that whole Prince Charming thing. Apparently I just like frogs.
Something is holding me back here. Maybe it's the fear of failing. Again. Maybe it's ditching my close friends. Again. I don't even know. I know I miss New Hampshire and maybe I should just jet away for a few days. Hmmm
Now I'm babbling. Again. Goodnight!
;) xoxo
Just be yourself, If someone doesnt like all of you, the good, the bad, the happ times, and the sad times... its not worth having them in your life. It's something I learned a few years ago and it applied to friends, potential partners, and acquaintances. Once I fully accepted that I found the love of my life. We then applied that to people in our life, and once we removed the shit, life was simple and clear in that aspect!
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