Winter: Mother Nature's Miserable Period.

Winter. That magical time of year where snowflakes fall from the sky like little ballerinas dancing in the wind. The time of year when all you smell is peppermint and gingerbread in certain aisles of Walmart. The time of year when you can "hit the slopes" with all the rich yuppies from Manhattan. Ah, how it is so magical, calm and peaceful.
Oh wait...no it isn't.
Winter is Mother Nature's menstural cycle. It's miserable, angry and full of wrath. The combination of cold, wind, slush, snow, ice makes it one of the most miserable experiences of the year. All the other months have warmth and sun and winter is bitter and gross. Winter in Vermont sucks!
For those readers who are unfamiliar with the state of Vermont, (I say "state" because many Southerners seem to think we are part of Canada) we are part of this awesome area called 'New England'. New England is known for two things: clam chowder and bi-fucking-polar weather! It is where Mother Nature's hormone levels function from. Like weather menopause. One day it will be nice, sunny and warm. The next day it's raining buckets and I'm wearing a ski coat. Calm your shit, Mother Nature and pop a Midol.
Winter 2011-2012 was superb. It was 40's and 50's all winter long, hardly any snow and sunny. Unheard of for this time of year. We were spoiled like rich blond stepchildren. This year, we have gotten slush, wind, -16 degree temperatures. Hell, some days I felt like I was living in Saskatchewan, Canada where the winter temps PEAK at -35.
I know I shouldn't bitch because I choose to live here. Well, kind of. I do not ski, snowboard, sled or snowmobile. So therefore, this cold shit never really affects me in a positive manner.
But now they are naming the snowstorms. As I write this blog, Winter Storm Rocky is causing loud pitter patter of sleet on my windows. Three weeks ago it was Winter Storm Nemo. So first, the NWS names the first storm after a Disney fish. Now after a fictional boxer. Mother Nature should have Rocky hit us as "Eye of the Tiger" playing softly in the background. It would at least make sense.
I want spring, goddamnit. I want to wear shorts, mini skirts and tank tops with flip flops. I wanna step outside without freezing my can and chest melons off. So, Mother Nature, can you do me and everyone else in New England a solid and get off your 4 month long period and be warm again? It'd be great. Thanks.

Xoxo ;)

A Preview into My Twisted Brain

In like a week it is the anniversary of when my former roommate Rob and sister Kat went on a road trip down to Georgia to see my now ex fiancé graduate from Boot Camp. I was watching the videos we recorded on that trip last night and I now remember a few things:
1) I'm glad the ex, Bruce, and I split because we fought too much. You never really know how much you hate your ex significant other until you have evidence that once upon a time you couldn't even speak a sentence to each other without being antagonistic.

2) I miss Rob and Kat terribly. After watching them fight about the once upon a time friend-with-benefits relationship they had it made me remember a lot of bittersweet moments in their dramatic affair.

3) Myself on cold medicine stuck in a car on a military base was an interesting trip.

4) That week and a half will forever go down in my life as one of the greatest experiences of my life.

I have been dealing a lot lately with feeling empty. I miss my little sister and my niece. I miss my friends and my independence. I miss being able to walk down the street to the bar. I kind of miss my old life, as long as you take the ex out of the equation. But at the same point, I have made some pretty awesome friends here.
The problem with the Bennington area is I have limited options for employment. I hold two degrees and neither of them I am really use here. If going for my Masters wasn't so expensive I would just go for it. It's just another two years. But when I'd graduate there really is nothing here.
I'd love to move but I don't want to move on my own because I hate the idea of starting over on my own. Truth be told, I want to find a job where I can do this for a living. Creative writing. Right now I manage a gas station. Not exactly where I saw myself but somewhere along the way I got unmotivated. Discouraged, I suppose. Actually, I remember the exact moment I threw it all away.
When I got married, the plan was to move to Texas. In a nutshell of clusterfucked events, neither happened and by the time it was too late I had washed my hands clean of any hopes to continue living in New Hampshire on my own. I should have planned better. That is on me. I had to move back with my parents and start over. I haven't made it very far.
As far as romance goes, I wasted my time with a guy when I moved back to Vermont for about a year and a half if not more. I smartened up, started seeing someone else and that doomed. After the third bad relationship in 3 years I kinda lost faith in that whole Prince Charming thing. Apparently I just like frogs.
Something is holding me back here. Maybe it's the fear of failing. Again. Maybe it's ditching my close friends. Again. I don't even know. I know I miss New Hampshire and maybe I should just jet away for a few days. Hmmm

Now I'm babbling. Again. Goodnight!
;) xoxo

Queen Bee's and Uber C's: Women, and Why We Hate Each Other

      My first real rant piece.  So, everyone knows that women are insane right? We are super emotional all the time about our weight or our clothes and we deal with a larger portion of natural physical pain in the human species.  Somehow, we are magical though, because we manage to bleed for 7 days and not die.  Yeah, Men can't do that....lucky bastards.
       I have always been more the type to get along with guys.  Maybe it is the fact my older brother wasn't in my life until my teen years so I suppose I was looking for that void to fill. I just have the profound sense of humor, and the potty mouth.I just click better with the other species. Boys don't bring the same levels of drama. 
      Here is the thing about most women and their interaction with other women: WE HATE EACH OTHER!  And here is a list of reasons as to why:

1) We like the same boys

2) We own the same shirt, skirt, pair of jeans, pair of shoes, earrings, necklace, purse, cell phone case, etc.  If she has the exact same thing as me, we will feud.

3) You think that just because we talk to your husband, boyfriend, partner, that we MUST be after a ride on their trouser carousel. Last time I checked, "Can you point me in the direction of the nearest Burger King", was NOT the same as "Hey! Let's have sex right here in the Wal Mart parking lot."

4) There is always the one trendsetter that every other girl hates because they get all the attention, just like every trendsetter hates all of her followers for being copycats.

5) We judge each other way too much, and mostly it's our own insecurities coming out.  Remember that Haters Make Them Popular.

6) When females all hang out for extensive periods of time day after day and month after month, their cycles tend to sync up, therefore when one is bitchy and bloody, so are all the others. Kinda like Shark Week only with less eating flesh and more nagging.

   Women tend to continue to travel in packs.  Granted there is a nice feeling in being able to share stuff with someone who knows what it's like to be a girl.  Oh, I have found the best video to sum up all the things that girls lie about, too.  This is Jenna Marbles.  She is absolutely hysterical and she keeps it real when explaining how crazy women are in her videos. 

Confessions of a Social Networking Junkie

     My name is Torrie, and I am a Facebook/Twitter/Tumbler/Reddit addict....

    If I actually was in a twelve step program based on my social networking addiction, that is pretty much how my introduction would go.  Then a whole bunch of other Facebook junkies and Tweeters would say "Hi Torrie" and we would swap stories about how we dodged or created drama on our web-pages and then laugh over the complimentary Oreos and ginger ale in plastic Dixie Cups.
    Mind you, I've never been to a twelve step program but I hear that there is always Oreos and Ginger Ale.
    I am the group punching bag when it comes to my Facebook, Twitter, etc.  I upload my Facebook Status a lot.  Why? I have a lot of thoughts.  I have a lot of very interesting thoughts and I feel the need to share them with the world.  Some people love it.  They think, "Hey, Torrie you are so funny!" While others tell me I should get to Twitter.  Been there, done that.  
    Here is my mini-rant about Twitter.  How am I supposed to say everything that is on my mind in 140 characters or less?  I mean, Hashtags aren't exempt from the long count so sometimes because of that factor alone you can't compose a full thought into a tweet.  I have managed to somehow have decent conversations with some pretty well known people on Twitter, however so it is beneficial in that respect.  My glorified day was when the comedienne Whitney Cummings tweeted me back randomly.  Good day that was.
     Facebook has more personality.  You can actually have conversations with people and they aren't limited to 140 characters or less.  Plus, it's more personal since you can put in all your interest and stuff.  Mainly I use it to spy on the people I went to high school and college with.  Because of Facebook, there is no need to have a 10 year High School Reunion.  People on my Facebook know I write this blog.  They also know what I had for breakfast Thursday morning.  Why? Because I am a junkie.

Mmmm...crack

    I decided to branch out my social networking with The Twisted Tornado.  Mostly because I can organize my crazy thoughts together more and in depth this way.  Speaking of Twitter, here is where you can follow me for more thoughts: vlewin1988.  

    I am connected to my social networking sites by my computer and my phone.  I don't really do the whole Twitter thing on the computer.  Twitter is my last ditch effort site.  When I feel that perhaps I am Facebooking too much, I'll switch over to Twitter.  I do enjoy trending on Twitter though.  Exhibit A:

   

     I'm also very addicted to the photo editor Instagram.  The picture above was Instagram'd.  I wish that when Instagram has updates, they'd add some new filters a bit more often than what they usually do.  But hey, I'm just the user.  

    Yes, I am a huge social media freak.  If you hear anything about twelve step programs, you might wanna shove some pamphlets in my mailbox because it may get to that point eventually.

;) xoxo

 

 

Sloths: The Wookwoks of Reality

       Before you further read this article, or any other of my blogs, know that I am a huge Star Wars fanatic! I'm talkin', total Jedi dork.  When the Special Edition came out, my dad went out and bought me every Star Wars action figure.  Bobba Fett, Princess Leia with the cinnamon roll hairdo, Luke Skywalker with the detachable hand, Princess Leia with the braids from ESB.  But not Golden Bikini Leia because of that whole 'she looked like a space slut' thing.  I had the books, the clothes, the lunch boxes.  It has followed into my adult years because this year for Christmas my favorite present was my Darth Vader shaped slippers.
     Ob(i)sessed much? < see what I did there??
    I am not embarrassed or ashamed to admit how much of a Jedi Dork I am.  Most girls my age are busy being obsessed with glittery vampires in Twilight and touching themselves while reading 50 Shades of Grey.  Really bitches? Remember Chewie was a more badass "dog" than your 'werewolf', and I'm sure in some weird porno flick Leia and Han Solo probably had awesome rough sex better than your 50 Shades of Grey protagonists.  You have your guilty pleasures, I have mine.
    Just like your guilty pleasures are I'm sure very thought provoking with all that it entails, mine are as well.  Also know about me that I am extremely nocturnal.  I work second shift so my crash time is generally 4am.  Thus, I think really random things late at night.  Like, that I need to start up a new blog because the old one got boring and I like to troll Reddit, and that is where I got the idea for this first subject.
      Someone ended up posting on Reddit a picture of a sloth.  The picture above actually.  I added the Ewok and the picture of Chewbacca but it sparked my thought that that particular sloth is the perfect example of what the baby of a Wookie and an Ewok hybrid would look like.  I then named my new Star Wars species a Wookwok.  Take notes, J.J. Abrams.  I just found you space gold.
       I want one of these things as a pet and here is a list of reasons as to why:
1. Ewoks party rock hard.  I mean, watch the last three minutes of Return of the Jedi.  It's like a fucking teddy bear prom.  Harrison Ford even said so.
2. Wookies are fucking scary and will kick your ass to protect their best friends.  Chewie is always ready to kick ass on behalf of Han Solo.  That's loyalty.
3.  They are ADORABLE!

      I don't even really know what a Sloth is besides the mythological creature that I have created in my mind.  Is it a mammal?  Is it part of the ferret family? I have no idea.  For all I know it's a chinchilla with a bad hair day.  But if they were this species I have orchestrated in my mind on this frigid February morning, that is exactly what they would be: A Wookwok.

     Think it's time I go to bed.  Mainly because not only do I work tomorrow, but now I'm considering what this thing's meal plan would consist of....

    Goodnight. ;) xoxo