I was sitting in my room tonight trying to figure out what the hell I was going to write about, and I remembered that awhile back I had the idea to express what being a Clerk at a gas station is really like. Well, sit right back and enjoy the show because this rant is about to blow up! Like the coffee that managed to lunge all over me earlier tonight at work. FAIL!
I'm going to settle with a particular subject this time around, and only because I was dealing with these goddamned things all night long. People who come in and blow HUNDREDS of dollars on scratch tickets like they are just pissing away money. Let me ask you something, those of you who spend hundreds of dollars a week in scratch tickets: Don't you have anything better to spend your cabbage on? I cannot express how often I have people come in and buy a bunch of tickets, then they will go out and scratch them and then come back in and get more.
Then, I have the assholes that I REALLY HATE. They are the ones that will buy a bunch of scratch tickets and then stand at the counter and scratch them. I have one customer who lives off the state and will come in and buy one ticket at a time. Granted, he will spend about $400 during his visit to my store on scratch tickets alone. But he buys them one at a time and he will stand right where my customers need to swipe their debit/credit cards and scratch his fucking tickets there! Doesn't matter how many times, or how bitchtastic you phrase, "[so and so] you need to move.", he just doesn't fucking get it.
There has been numerous times where I have customers who come in and blow more money that I make in a month on scratch tickets and then they win absolutely nothing. My favorite is when I get blamed for their bad life choices of gambling away their entire paycheck without buying cat food. Yes, I do hate you so much that I did a magical spell with my pretend-a-superpowers and made it so that you cannot possibly win anything over the absolute minimal amount. You caught me. Good job, Super Sleuth! Here is my praising you:
That god awful noise though of scratch ticket paper or whatever it is made out of, is becoming as bad as nails against a chalk board. It makes me cringe. Seriously, I wish I was kidding. And the shavings from the scratch tickets get under your nails and then your hands look like you haven't bathed in months because they leave this disgusting residue on your hands.
No good comes from Scratch Tickets! Oh and FAST PLAYS. Fast Plays are the 'Online Tickets' that a clerk prints out for you from the computer like a Powerball ticket but you can check them immediately as opposed to wait for the drawing to be held to find out if you won (or most likely lost).
I have a customer who plays Fast Plays like they are going out of style. I'm going to call her 'Nancy'...I really hope her name isn't really Nancy...okay I will go with 'Esther'. No one names their kid, 'Esther' anymore. So Esther likes her Fast Plays and they not only take forever to print out of the machine, but they take copious amounts of ink to print them. Essentially, it is costing the store an obscene amount of paper and ink. Granted, it will all get used up from other people buying Powerballs and MegaBucks but no Esther! No.
She won well over a thousand-fucking-dollars on Fast Play and she did not give the Clerk a cent! It is a polite to tip your 'dealer' who gives you the scratch paper meth that you are now divulged financially in. She just trots on into the store and will buy seven of these stupid tickets and then check them. She doesn't do the game that is on the ticket, because a Fast Play game looks like this:
Random side note...I can attach GIFs to my blog now....
And for the record to all of you that come in and ask me for scratch tickets, let me just be the first person to tell you that Scratch Ticket paper cuts are horrible! They are a mix between a paper-cut and a cardboard-cut. Not a fun experience. If my blood, goes onto your ticket that you so desperately needed, because of a ticket cut, and you win $10,000, you better at least give me $100 because then you can spare it, Bitch.
Scratch Tickets will be the death of me. I never want to get one again in my life because I have to deal with them all the time. I hate them! Maybe I will get lucky and they will not suck so much anymore. Get a thinner, less noisy paper. Yeah, that would be real nice!
xoxo ;)
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