Never Lose Yourself Trying to Find Someone Else

   We all go through trials and tribulations in life that will either make us or break us.  Your boyfriend/girlfriend dumps you.  Your dog gets hit by a mail truck.  The grocery store is out of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.  Whatever! Shit happens and it is completely stupid to let it get you down forever.
   The entire reason why I am going on this rant is because I have been consumed in this vicious storm cloud of worry and over analyzing and super mopey and depressed over a boy. A boy that clearly will never be the "right guy" for me, despite the fact that I absolutely adore him and he is one of my best friends. Regardless, I see how I have been acting and the person that the situation made me become and I can't help but think that, "I gotta help other girls from making this same mistake."  I mean, the upside to how things panned out in my situation  is that as much as it hurts right now to know that it failed, I at least have learned some things about myself and can grow and be happy.  So I gotta thank the guy for that one.

   Here is what NOT to do when life gets you down.  Don't drink so much.  I spent the last few nights piss drunk Tornado style and each night was full of some sort of poor life choice.  Alcohol makes you depressed, and if it doesn't make you depressed, then it makes your clothes fall off and then you end up sleeping with your friend.  A cheer up cocktail is alright, but when you are doing eight shots of Patron and can't remember drunk dialing your ex the next day, it's a problem.  Especially if you repeat this cycle for days or weeks on end!

  Don't be afraid to eat your feelings.  If you had to choose between shooting heroin or eating a pound of Pillsbury Cookie Dough, which one are you going to choose.  Know what I do when life gets me down, or I get dumped or I fail a test?  I buy a bunch of Taco Bell/Pizza Hut/ etc. and I pig out and watch sappy movies like An Officer and a Gentleman.  Sure, I know that me stuffing my face will eventually reach my thighs, but hey desperate times call for desperate measures and I will stuff my face before resorting to other vices.  Plus food is good.

   Wake the fuck up and realize that you don't need someone else to make you happy, and that you can't depend on someone else to make you happy! See, this is where I went wrong and I went wrong at this turn years ago.  This isn't even a recent thing.  But after enough bad relationships (romantic or casual), I finally realized that this was where I have been going wrong.  At the end of the day, you really do only have yourself.  Some boy or girl can sit there and say that they really like you and that they want to be with you and feed you full of all of this shit, that doesn't even really matter because at the end of the day, when all is said and done, YOU ONLY HAVE YOURSELF.

  Let the stupid shit just roll off.  Easier said than done and this is a BIG one for me that I need to learn.  But before I put my two cents on it, I just want to address a few points to my fellow vagina partners who I personally wouldn't mind seeing get hit by a bus.  I just have three points for them that they can answer for me in the comments box:
   1) Why do you hit on the boys that your best girl friends like/sleeping with/dating/engaged to?  Or try to seduce them?
   2) Don't say you don't like drama if you are going to go around creating it, okay?
   3) Go fuck yourselves with a giant spandex covered sledgehammer.

   Anyway, I just had to get that off of my chest.  People are always going to talk.  Sometimes, it will be the chicks you think are your friends.  That's when you realize that this is exactly why you don't have that many girl friends.  See, the girl friends in my life that I actually trust are the ones who are married/in a serious relationship/ smart and actually don't like creating trouble because they are bored.  They are hard to find, but I do really like them when they come along.  This is just the downside of being a girl.

  I always told myself that I would NEVER become "that girl" that has to rely on her boyfriend or her circle of friends to make her happy.  I used to be a very independent person until my life hit the crisis of 2010 when it fell apart.  I used to like to be by myself and just hang out in complete solitude without the yacking hens of my peers around.  Now you know what I do, whenever I am by myself for a long period of time?

This.

   I absolutely hate being by myself.  I have no value for "me" time like I used to because I allowed myself to become so consumed with having a bunch of people around because I would rather be amused than bored and lonely.  I'm not saying I want to be a hermit, I'm just saying that I need to invest a little more time in "me time" than what I have been.  Once you start losing the traits about you that you used to have complete confidence in, that's when you are in for a world of shit.  I used to pride myself on being independent.  I used to literally get in my car and drive for like three hours to get away from people.  Now I sit around the house and if it's too quiet, I need to hang out with somebody because I just can't stand being by myself.

   

  It's just some food for thought and a little vent sesh.  Those are my thoughts.  I love you all (except those bitches that I pointed out...you suck), and I will be okay once I balance myself out a little bit.  

;) xoxo

-VvM

P.S. My computer is fucked up so that's why I haven't been writing four articles a week. Hopefully the computer Patch Adams will save it's life.  But I think it's dead.  Oops.